Pen is the tongue of the Mind

Autumn

2011-10-12T11:29:00.001-07:00

Autumn leaves are falling down..falling down..falling down

Autumn leaves are falling down..falling down..falling down

The season of autumn has opened me to the nature's new look. Clad in yellows, browns and reds...the standing tall trees look as elegant and beautiful as ever. The shades seem to as though express the colors of mirth and festitvity. It might be my mental reflection that I see in these colors...

As the day dawns the cool mild breeze...brushes along the trees...gently swaying them..and spreading the aroma of joy..As they sway and sway then so gently shred their leaves...and so beautifully these softly fly with the breeze..and gently land on the ground. Perhaps they are getting ready for the festivities of December. So ironical it looks..to get ready is to unclad themselves from the greens, then the reds and then stay erect in Pale brown...until they are again clad in white..!

Yesterday evening as i stood in my balcony watching the swaying trees, their shredding leaves...and the abstract designs they made when they fell on the ground..my heart began to grow lighter and lighter..the dusk shine that fell on the leaves made them look brighter and beautiful. Taking a sip of my hot coffee ,a thought softly struck me...what does the autumn signify us? Is there any thing that the nature communicates to us through the season..? Is there anything beyond this autumn..?

I had the thought and began to probe..

I closely watched the cool breeze...and its gentle strokes...as each time the wind brushed the trees..each time..a handful of them began to loosen from the branch..and slowly glide down like a parachute..slow..and gentle..swaying left..right..Topsy and turvey...

It was a season of shredding..leaving..loosening..and relieving...and Yes!..there i found my philosophical connection..just as the trees shredding from them the heaviness..thickness of green..it was time for us..to shred away all our worries...doubts..fears..and pretension. Just as they stand plain and UN-decorated - It is a season to be plain at heart...and be free of everything. It is a time to renounce the worldly affairs and stay at peace with yourself. Just as they wait for the December to fall - we with all our eagerness wait for the Christmas to fall.

It is a time to unwind..rest..and be at peace.

The thought made be happy. It urged to be along the pace with the nature. As the nature has begun to unwind itself..so should I, I thought, unravel the ME..and prepare myself for the impending Fest of December..!

Autumn leaves are falling down..falling down..falling down

Autumn leaves are falling down..falling down..falling down

2011-01-18T14:15:00.001-08:00

Wow..! Time really runs fast….I cannot believe its over 3 months I have visited my blog. Lots of major things have happened in my life. I got MARRIED. That is..i moved from Ms to Mrs. My home which was my abode for almost quarter a century…was about to feel my absence. I got a new home…met new people, new life styles, new things. Hmmm..! When many things happen in your life..it seems difficult to jot down all the happened thoughts and events. My newly married life, is more than wow..! After almost 21 days of my marriage with “A” , a second big change was to impend. – I was moving away from my home country..to quite a far off west land. That is, I was leaving my home country to live in a different place. Though both the big changes, were well planned and had a open arm welcome….when the time had come to accept the changes… my emotions struggled to break out of the cavate…and run out into tears. So many things kept on barging into my little thinking space called “mind”. Nothing was going to be as just before. People told me..that everything would be the same as ever…but they and I knew that would not be the case. I still remember my teenage years..sitting the history class…as my ears heard the ‘greatness’ of thy home my heart kept responding and determining that I would be in my home land…be a part of its change and development and lots of big big thoughts. All seems a childlike thinking now. Am more practical and organised n0w..and so am in this foreign land. Well this is my first writeup here :)

All is very beautiful here. The place is wonderful. There is snow…white soft snow all over. Trees draped in white..roads carpeted in white…sky painted in white….all is so fresh and nice..! My newly married life…with this good man…is the grace of God. My new home, as i call it, is sweet and neat. The new designation I have is different. Preparing the breakfast, Setting up my home, Waving bye bye, waiting for someone, A smile that brushes over as I see the car in the compound, The footsteps i can make out so easily and when I run to the door to open, The frowns on my face when the dish I cook doesn’t look the way i wanted it to, the utensils I keep on washing …i think almost 24 hrs a day, the phone calls to our parents, the photos i take and the eagerness to show it to my people in India..all looks interesting and new.

Am not sure, the good intentions of the providence in bringing us here. But am sure, that am here to have a good and purposeful time as I always had in my home land. Though my people are not around… I feel them through my memories…I am making my best use of time…and working on to make these days ..one of the best in my life..!

Change is imminent…and am always happy to think it as good and beautiful..!

Cheers!

The Summer Rain

2010-06-04T05:44:00.000-07:00

Clean and clear, with no shade of grey the vast sky up above reflected the shades of the blue sea. The fluffy white clouds hovered freely across the sky. In between them, the sun majestically seated himself clad in his bright orange garb. This season, he seemed more ferocious. The heat he exuded zoomed down and hit the earth hard. Like a frying pan, the hot waves emanated out of the boundless land. The sharp rays glistened the granuels like glitters..the unbinding heat warmed the deepest of the waters.Nothing moved..all still…the trees stood erect and the leaves hushed in silence. This summer was in full swing in the city.

People down here began to accept the scorching sun – with or without a smile. The powercuts were torturing. Somehow they seemed to take control of the house hold’s daily routine and reschedule their daily affairs. The black tar roads burnt until they could go no darker. School bells rang at 12.30 p.m. and children were rushed home. All who could afford a fan were lucky and those with an aircooler were lcukier, but those who had an AC were blessed!

Afternoon shopping was striclty avoided..Early morning walks were pre poned..and evening walks were post poned. The Ads on cosemtics shot up like zooom…talcum powder, cooling oil, sunscreen lotions et.al. People cautiosly followed all the precautions lest have sun strokes and burns.

The unluckiest of all were the pedestrains. Drops of sweat dripping, eyes burning, mouths getting dried, smacking their lips they kept their pace fast. The sun up above, followed them eagerly. Poor chaps, had to walk and so walked.

This way right from the vegetable vendors, the school children, the farmers, their wives, the employees, the house wives, the servant maids, the pedestrains – all whom the heat hit, earnestly prayed in silence – for the Summer to end.

The nature, seemed unmoved. The heat began to grow and continued to show its atrocity. Upon this it mocked sometimes, a morning would dawn with a cool breeze, when all awoke to it in eagerness, it used to suddenly vanish.The sky sometimes went grey, with a hope when looked up for the rain...all soon used to disappear in the vast sky. The Summer teased us this way. With no place to go…and for the love of the city ..all remained in silence, sustaining the damned weather.

I was one of those who sustained the weather in silence. There were times when i felt helpless in the heat. The hot waves, that thrust my head, gave me an unbearable headache. No amount of water quenched my thirst. The worst part was when I had to stand in the bustop under the shadow of a tree waiting for my company bus. The hot winds hit my face hard, and burnt my eyes. All I could do was to continue twitching my nose, wetting my lips incessantly and calling my friends to know how long the bus would take to arrive at my stop.

It was already June, and we heard the other cities rejoicing the rains. Our neighbouring city, began to be showered with rainfall long before the end of May. People there were lucky, We thought. But when was our turn? Except for the irregular teasers, ours saw nothing. The whole city was like a blast furnance, heated up.

But we will have our day soon….I had always thought.

No sooner than I thought, one weekend..while we all were taking a light nap…the weather suddenly changed. The clouds hid the bright sun…and the sky became grey. The west winds, flew swiflty into the city. With itz buzzing and hissing sounds it entered every nook and corners of the houses. It swirled into the branches of the trees, sweeped the pebbles and the sands! The dry leaves lying on the roads flew haphazardly in the air. The sound of the wind grew louder and louder. By now, the whole city was wide awake and alert. Few hastily went up on the terrace to enjoy the cool wild breeze..By now the dark grey clouds appeared. They majestically hovered all over the sky, as though they were getting ready to play their show. Within moments, of the wind humbling down…the heavy down pour began. The numerous droplets that heavily fell on the ground made the rhythmic sound. In a rush they fell consistently, wetting th earth. The rain along with the wind, made the whoosing sounds – the trees vigourously swayed, and windows began to beat hard against the sills making the loud noises.

I eagerly ran up to my terrace. I could see the whole city drenching in rain. The buildings, trees , drainages, the stray dogs, the braying donkeys, the pedestrains. The roads, were blocked with the assembly of cars. The terrace floor was filled with water withing minutes. My dress, hair drenched in the rain. I jumped and sang in joy. The child within me awoke..and danced to the tunes of the rain. I really didn’t mind if I would catch cold and a run fever. I knew when I go down, I shall welcome my mom’s frowned and concerned face. I just wanted to live the moment and enjoy.

Down their on the roads, people didn’t mind getting drenched too. Despite the traffic jams…overflowing drains…all seemed to enjoy and silently say –Thank GOD it rained! :)

The BOOK

2010-05-11T09:46:00.000-07:00

A friend you can never forget - Once you meet you will never regret

Opening to you an array of new thoughts - bringing to you the world of new hopes - a friend you will eternally remember - A companion you will always ask for.

Ignites the zeal you have -
Builds the confidence when you lack -
With a balanced heart and a plain thought, it is with you whenever you want.

An inexplicable intimacy you together share -
It's unfeigned thoughts will always rear -
Sometimes a friend and sometimes a teacher -

Together you see a new world - Together you open to a new dream - Together you wish the good - Together you defy the bad.

It places to you the history, It makes you awe at the mystery,It tingles you to the beauty around, It helps you understand the reality that surrounds.

It's every word...long lasting - It's every thought worth considering

You go back to it when you are aloof -
You approach it when you are confused -
You feel with it the world of happiness -
You cry with it in the saga of sadness -

It knows you just as you are - your innate thoughts and unsaid dreams.
With bountiful of patience it listens to U and You rejoice the freedom it gives you.

With no emotions displayed -
And no prejudices made -
The BOOK - Your best friend
Always opens to you with a new face.

New Every Day

2010-04-14T04:50:00.000-07:00

Life is new every day, with every morning and every ray...

Bringing with it the fragrance of hope...
Spreading in us magic of mirth...
As a light feather...and a tender touch...
slowly it dawns every day...

Just as a dew drop, that is tiny and pure
Just as a green leaf, that is fresh and true
Just as a bright sun that blazes on earth
Just as a full moon that embeds in the sky

Life is new every day, with every morning and every ray...

Just as the river that flows down the mountain
Just as the love that flows down the heart
Just as the tender rain that showers on earth
Just as the brown mud that smells so fresh

Just as the waves that move on and on...
Just as the time that goes on and on...
Life is new every day, with every morning and every ray...

I did it

2010-01-22T06:34:00.001-08:00

There I was sitting all dull…….
My blood struggling to gush out,
My tears softly brimming out,
My energy relentlessly draining out,
And my ego completely bruised out,

There I was sitting - gaping

Someone had made me wrong
They took my silence as soft
They misunderstood my demeanor as naïve
They thought I was lame and a dame.

They cornered me …laughed away –
But there I was sitting - gaping

For no fault of mine … a damsel I was…a damsel

This had happened before –
But that time it was not this one –
In fact it happened many times before –
And all those times, it were different –
Why was this happening every time?
Every time to the same person from different ones?
Every time a tear shed – the lip shivered – the nose red – the eyes bulged

Had I no tongue to defend…?
No courage to question?
No power to rebel?

It was injustice. Utter Injustice!
Not what they did to me - But what I was doing to myself.
Allowing someone to design my demeanor.
I had to fight back. Get up. Walk, and spurt out.
Enough of silence. Enough of goodness.

Forget about writing a book!
Forget about wearing the cloak!
Forget about winning prizes!

If I don’t walk up now. I will never walk up.
Walk up! I shouted inside! Walk up!
If I don’t win over this. I will never win over.
Win over ! I shouted inside! Win Over!

And so..I got up. Walked. Knocked the door and it opened.
Though a little awkward, I stood there and closed my eyes.
When I opened , I knew.
I began to talk. For the first time, I began to talk for myself.
I didn’t care, the right or Wrong – I talked my heart.

I told what I didn’t like.
I told what I liked.
I told what sounds good.
I told what sounds Insane.

I told what I needed.
I told what I didn’t.
I told what was right to me.
I told what was wrong to me.

When I ended, there was silence.
A silence, I knew was my victory.
I walked out, and as I did…I smiled…and shouted inside…

‘I did it. I did it and I DID IT’.

For One Day

2010-01-19T19:24:00.000-08:00

For ONE DAY live your life

Cry, Laugh, Sing, Dance
Care not for what others think…
And no doubt on how you do...

For ONE DAY live your life

When you don't like to wake up. DON’T.
When you don't like to work. DON’T
when you don't want to go. DON’T.
When you don't want to talk. DON’T

Break the shackles…and run on clouds..
No one to stop you and No one to hold…
With no fear of answering anyone…
With no need to reason anything..
Love like mad…be like a child

For ONE DAY live your life

Forget the past, Cut the future
Live in here, Love your present
Don’t answer calls…Don’t follow etiquettes…

For ONE DAY Reclaim your life !

Deep Inside

2009-12-28T20:03:00.000-08:00

It began Inside, Deep Inside –
Like Flames fuming, Water whirling
Thunder Thrashing, Wind Jolting...

It burnt my heart and stifled my soul
The pain thrusting against my ribs began creeping above...
Unfettered, my ego held the reins
Hands gripped tight, head held straight
I laughed aloud and went ahead...

The sun was scorching, my head was reeling
Give me your hand the voice said,
I don’t need you is all I said...

Neither a prayer uttered nor a song sung
Unfettered, I just went ahead...

My senses slowing down, my energy drooping down
My eyes shutting down, my ego breaking down
Deep inside it threatened to blow down
Breaking my ribs and torturing my soul...

The pain had to be thrown
Help I needed, but reluctantly I proceeded...

Neither a prayer uttered nor a song sung
Unfettered, I just went ahead...

The clouded grey sky, the deep blue sea
There I was standing at the mountain peak…
My legs staggered, my hands shivered
My body pained, my heart strained...

The thunder broke through the sky
The wind gushed on my face
The chillness crippled my body
The tears made my eyes wet...

No voice I had
No power I had
All I could do was done
All I could say was yet to be done...

From inside, the pain gushed out
Through my shivering voice it barged out
Eyes tightly closed it came out “No longer I can! Help me out!”

My legs slipped - body broke - as a living corpse – there I fell loose...
The force pulled me down, the chilly wind…wiped my eyes
As light as a feather I was… The fierce force pulled me down, down and down
Splash! Into the waters…there I fell down!!

The pain! The Anguish! - Dissolved
The Splashes! The fumes! - Disappeared

My heart felt light – My soul felt fresh
Serenity dawned and Tranquility restored
My eyes opened to the deep blue sea
There I was sailing in Peace

Talk to me again..

2009-10-15T08:06:00.000-07:00

The gale of winds, engulf me in warmth
The waves of sand, hurdle me on..
The shadow of sun, that crowns my head..
Far beyond the mountains..I stroll ahead...

In eager to hear from you..
With slender heart I wait for you..
In deep despair I wish to see you..
With sobering heart, I look to feel you..

From the Blue mountains..to the deep blue sea..
From the pastures of green.. to the dark green leaves..
My love for you showers like rain..
My beloved charioteer talk to me again..

On way Home

2009-09-10T06:40:00.000-07:00

It was a long walk from her school to home.
But Betty loved it. She loved the deserted narrow road. She loved the greenery on either side. She loved the setting sun. She loved the cool breeze.
But most of all she loved to talk to her friends on the way, Bernie, the pipal tree and the other friends. It was a little secret only Betty knew.
In the beginning she wanted to surprise others by telling about her friends, but none ever believed her. ‘Gosh grow up sissy! ’ her brother had said. ‘What?! Trees talk to you?!’ her friends had exclaimed. Thus, she left it at that, lest they making fun of her friends.
This was 10 years ago. Now she was in high school, and Bernie and others were still her friends. On her way back home, she had always stopped by, talk to them, spend some nice time and leave.
Today, on her way back , she was tired. She slowly walked, threw her bag, and sat against Bernie’s brown trunk. Bernie was 70 years old now, and he was still going strong. Well, so were his friends around.
Betty was unusually silent, and that was not her. She was chirpy and garrulous, who loved to talk about her daily details, about how mean her school teachers can be, how irregular the boys of her school are, the secret paths she and her class girls had found, the secret lovers they had caught. But she was unusually silent today.
So Bernie initiated – ‘Good evening mademoiselle! How did the day treat you?’ Betty grunted and waved off her hand. ‘Uuhhhh…not bad then..! So did they give your grades at school’ Betty nodded a no.
‘Well then if it is not that, then...why...Is ….’
Betty cut it off and popped up and suddenly asked ‘ Bernie do you know what to do , to be perfect?’
If Bernie was a man, I would have described his expression. Bernie held for a second and gave a loud laugh. As though taken by surprise he asked ‘but why do you want to be perfect??’
‘Because, being perfect is the best. Because only by being perfect you can be the best. Because only perfect people are respected’
‘Oops and who told you this?’
‘I KNOW IT Bernie! ’ she frowned.
‘Hmmmm..! Alright when you know it’
Betty sighed. Her voice low she said ‘I am unhappy with myself Bernie. I am. I feel worthless. First of all I am not beautiful; if I was I would have received a beautiful rose on the Valentine’s Day, like all my other friends did. I am over sensitive. I easily get hurt. I am jealous about people. I am selfish. I lack sense of humor, so boys don’t talk to me! I am argumentative. I have so many flaws in me, and I wonder if anyone could ever love me!’
She halted, when was about to begin Uncle Tom was passing by, looking a Betty cheerfully yelled ‘Hey Betty! Tired of the walk? Go home soon…!’
‘Yes uncle a couple of minutes’ she managed to give a fake smile. After Uncle Tom, was out of the earshot Betty continued
‘I know am all this. And I want to change. I want to be the ideal girl - The good girl that everyone loves - The beautiful girl who gains the maximum attention. I want to be matured - The calm - The thoughtful – The selfless - the girl whom nobody has a problem with.’ Her voice trembled, and tears rolled down.
Bernie was silent.
‘Talk something Bernie!’ Betty demanded
‘Well, well give me some time! I am rehearsing my lecture!’ Bernie chuckled
‘Oh Common…please..!’
“Alright, alright let’s get serious for some time. Betty…I think I know how to become perfect’
‘You do!? How??” Betty’s face brightened.
‘Well, by not being perfect. And that makes things perfect’ he chuckled again. But looking at Betty's frowned troubled face; he suppressed his mirth and began –
‘OK let me explain, and begin with me. What do you think of me Betty?’
Though a little surprised, she gave in ‘You are a good old man Bernie. Strong..! Green..! Hmm patient! And Lovable!
‘OK. Now look at John and tell me what you think of him’
John the lemon tree was standing on the other side of the road. He shyly smiled and waved at Betty.
She smiled back and said ‘well I think he is young! Colorful! Bright! Slender!’
‘Hmmm now, amongst two of us, who do you think is perfect?’
John exclaimed ‘Oh Bernie...Please’
Betty was surprised too ‘How can we say that? I can’t compare you both! You are both good! In your own way!’ she was compassionate.
‘No I think I am imperfect Betty. I am old. I am stoic. I can’t move. I have nests all over. My leaves are dull in color. I have no wife. I feel bad too’ he sounded animated.
‘Bernie! You are not that!’ all of them at once exclaimed
‘No my friends I am! I am bad in my own ways. If a girl like Betty has so many flaws in her. What am I then, a damned soul’ he cribbed.
‘Bernie! Are you going to make me cry?!’ Betty hugged him. ‘I love you Bernie. You are my good friend! I am not bothered if you are old or stoic. Don’t say that ever again’

Bernie smiled, and calmly said “How I wish I could hug and tell you the same things Betty! Yes, no matter, if you are sensitive, careless, argumentative, but to all of us you are one of the best humans ever., who has been for the past ten years religiously stopping by and talking to us, the immovable souls, who can give you back nothing except love!”
‘Wipe your tears now’ John said.
‘Nothing is perfect in this God’s creation. Have you seen a square leaf? A rectangle cloud? A crystal clear river? Look at the mountains there; are they all in the same height? Well look at your own fingers are they of the same size?’
‘No’ she looked at her fingers and smiled as though amazed.
“Now does this mean, everything around is ugly? Absolutely not! These imperfections are the ones that make all the creations around beautiful..!”
Betty just gazed.
‘Life would have been so boring if all is perfect Betty’
‘How’ she quizzed.
“How? Well do you like the spring to be all year around?’
‘Noo…..It would be boring’
‘But why, that’s your favourite season’
“well, not for long! I might fail to appreciate its goodness, if I don’t see the winter” she mischievously smiled
‘Haha right! There you see! People, similarly fail to understand your goodness, if you have no vices!”
‘aaaah’ Betty awed, as though some brilliant thought had dawned into her.

‘So Betty, it’s perfect to be imperfect. And because you’re imperfect you are already perfect!” Rosa, the eucalyptus laughed.
‘Hmmm! I would have not liked myself to see with a smooth trunk, with my 65,789, 765 leaves in round shape! The grooves on my trunk help the ants to climb up easily, the thick leaves and their color protect the birds. My huge, rugged trunk helps me stand erect all the time! You see Betty; it’s not the perfections that make things beautiful. It is the originality that makes it beautiful. God is too efficient, to be questioned dear.” He smiled.
“Wow Bernie!” Betty almost shouted as she clapped.
“That was a speech Bernie’ Rosa exclaimed. ‘Yes. Yes’ murmured all.
Just then, Betty heard her mom’s voice shouting. “Betty! Betty! Where are you?”
It was then she realized, that It was quite late, and the sun almost set. ‘Oops it’s late! I have to rush. Will see you all tomorrow!’ she waved and ran down.
She confronted her worried mom, who was relieved to see Betty. “Betty! What took you so long! I’d called your friends; they said you’d already left. And I was….” Before her mother could finish the line, Betty hugged her and calmly said “I fell in a pit mom, an old man helped me come out; and it took me this long” she smiled.
“What? You fell down? Where? When? How did you? I mean when?”
“Come along mama, I will tell you along the way” she looked back as though knowing that Bernie heard it from that far.
--- And so they walked down…

Life is Beautiful

2009-03-10T07:38:00.000-07:00

Life is beautiful..Yes it is..
As the Sun raises early in the east..
As the cock doodles early in the dawn..
As the birds chirp and chant..
As the buds blossom and flower..
As the first rays kiss the earth..
As the waters ripple down the rock..
I smile..and then i smile..and sing..
"Isn't life beautiful"

Life is beautiful..Yes it is..
As the day goes and night comes..
Sun adieus and moon creeps..
Birds asleep and crickets awake..
The wind.so cool and nice..
No one to see..No one to rule..
There is freedom and silence..
As the breeze brushes..
I smile..and then i smile..and hum..
"Isn't life beautiful"

Life is beautiful..Yes it is..
When my courage rules my thoughts..
when serenity controls my joy..
when my eyes brighten in hope..
when my heart blossoms in peace...
when my mother hugs in happiness..
when my father approves with a nod..
when my sibbling pats on my shoulder..
and when i jump in joy..
I smile..and then i smile..and tune..
"Isn't life beautiful"

Life is beautiful..Yes it is..
When all around me is not fine...
When i walk all alone...
When the sky is night and the horizon is dark...
When i suddenly realise somebody too with me
In eager, when i look at the moon..
In whisper, when i hear it say " hold on "
I smile and then i smile...and sing..
"Isn't life beautiful"

Life is Beautiful..yes it is...:)

because life Goes on...

2009-02-28T06:16:00.000-08:00

because life goes on..

No matter what it goes on..

Flowers blossom..

leaves wither..
and life goes on...

people demise..
sons rise...
but life goes on...

rejections are made...
acceptances are approved...
thus life goes on...

mistakes are made..
repentences are expressed..
but life goes on...

affection blossoms..
people are bound..
but life goes on...

sky goes dark...
stars become bright...
that way life goes on...

Tears are shed..
Hearts are broken..
But life goes on..

Time doesn't stop..
nor do people...
and life goes on...

because...life goes on..
No matter what...
It goes on...

It is so nice....

2009-02-09T04:49:00.000-08:00

It is so nice to be here
Just here..
With no wonder on 'where' and 'what'...

It is so nice to be here
Right here..
With no walk on 'period' and 'past'...

It is so nice to be here
Just here..
With no thought on 'future' and 'perfect'

It is so nice to be here
Right here..
With no doubt on 'when' and 'how'

It is so nice to be here
Right here.
Just here..in the present...forever...

A talk with God.....

2009-01-27T04:53:00.000-08:00

He was sitting on the rest chair, lonely placed on the beach.

The dusk had long gone by..and the moon was just raising to reign the night. The night was windy....

As i walked to him..I saw him giggling at me , and as I neared, his giggle turned to a laughter...

"What are you laughing at?" I reproached defiantly...

"Nothing it's just about the way you put your face" he smilingly said

I had nothing , to say..and i just shrugged.

With my coming he gently got up, and we walked along the sands of the beach. The night was windy, and the rhytmic waves gave a music.

He slowly began.."So my dear, what is that, upsetting you?".

" As though you are oblivious of everything happening around, father" I snapped

"I am sorry, I am trying to be serious. please tell me" He seemed to resist his smile beneath.

"Stop mocking at me father! I have a problem and you know that" I shot back, with my moist, swollen, red eyes

"oh my you are really sad!" he looked appalled.

Looking at my worn out face, he continued "ok let's get serious. I know you are sad at the way things are happening around you. But as I had told you earlier, you have to hold on"

" Hold on?My foot! Hold on to what? As i walk in the dark...and beg for an answer, beyond the moon you peep up and just smile.

when tears fill my eyes..and feel there is no one around, through the windy breeze you simply pass by.when i ask you again and again and again to tell me something..you simply walk away like a stranger"

"Don't you know that i do everything with a purpose dear?" he was calm and thoughtful now.

" Purpose father? " my voice was shivering. " you talk about purpose. of what use is that purpose, if i don't know why am being treated the way am being treated? what is the use of the purpose, if i don't know how is it gonna help me?"

"my dear...purpose is right there..and you are not looking at it"

i went to defend...but he stopped with the wave of his hand.

" You think i get fun, in making you all cry? My dearest, I don't. It's with great pain, that i see you suffering. Every problem , i give you has an intention. It is to make you better"

My fury was brimming out.."father." i sighed." In your name, for your sake , i beg, can you explain me, for what and why and how are we made better individuals? my problem is not about you giving me problems. my problem is for the unknown reason you give them to me or us"

He had to make his point..but i stopped "gimme a chance father"

" My school teacher in my 3rd class had given me 10/20 in a test. when i went in and asked the reason for such poor grade, she made me sit beside her and told me, that i had made 2 spelling mistakes in my first answer, 2

grammar mistakes in the second answer..a mistake here, there and one here."

He had a quiziccal expression on his face.

I continued " you see this father, She told me, why had i been given less marks. I thought i shall correct from there on, satisfied i left. But....when i ask you aloud "father why are you giving me this" you tell me nothing. nothing means nothing. And i grope in the dark for an answer, but of no avail"

All this while he was simply smiling. he slowly said "you will not understand even though i explain you child "

And that infuriated me.

"Alright, have it your way then." I sighed. "If thou are so determined to make me cry and lose over my confidence, then let me tell you something I shall not. I shall not allow myself to lose thy confidence. Let the stars turn off...let sky go dark..let the leaves wither away. I promise, to myself, that i shall stand by. You want to see, how i look when i cry? I am sorry, i shall not give you that chance.I love my life, and am not gonnna brood over it. I know i am strong and shall remain so."

Saying this, I furiously walked away. Tears trippled down my cheeks. But i hurried for the fear of he stopping me. But he seemed to be standing where he was. And I didn't look back.

Then , i heard him aloud saying " my dearest..!!"

I stopped, my back facing him.

"I bet, the classroom test could not have taught, what you just felt and spoke!"

I started to move without looking at him.

His anxious voice was heard again aloud "Don't go away like that dear. Remember, every word i say, you are never given a problem that you cannot solve. And know that I love you more than you love me"

This time i stopped and looked back.

He was 10 feet away from where i was standing. In the dim lit moon light I could see his serene face. He was smiling, the way he always did. He whispered...in his lowest voice...and the wind carried his words to me " See you tomorrow. I shall wait for you" He smiled and left.

When are you coming..?

2009-01-09T08:45:00.000-08:00

The night is dark.
The crickets din is soothing.
The moon light spreads the silver light all across the grass lands.
The hard rocks, brown and strong stand erect.
On one of them I sit, with my bare feet kissing the hard cold stone.
There is no movement anywhere.
My eyes gaze at the far round moon, blissfully seated beyond the horizon.

Awaiting you...I sit here for long
Do I have to wait till the break of dawn?

Now….. The cool breeze blows down…
It’s the Wild West wind, bringing along with it the aroma of silence, sweetness and bliss
The chilly wind, brushes my cheek...Curls down my hair and runs down my spine
With a whooshing sound it creates a music…to which the flowers sway…leaves flutter and water tappers…

The moon raises high beyond the horizon…as though seated on an invisible cradle
With a smile decorating my face…a hope brightening my eyes…a blush beautifying my fragility
I sit in silence, awaiting you.
I wait in silence.
I wait in earnest.

But the silence seems to be eternal…
The wind is still blowing
The leaves still fluttering
The flowers still swaying
The world is sleeping and I am waiting
How long?

The eagerness blended with love…
Colored with innocence…
Spiced with blissful music…and brewed with restlessness…personifies into a tear drop. The tear trickles down my cheek and drops on to my palm.
There is still silence. And my eyes are moist.
How long?

Now...a little while later…all of a sudden
The sleeping wind awakes…It rushes down from the mountains behind…and runs to the horizon in eagerness, and whirls there for a while…and comes back to me in a hurry…
It makes a whooshing sound…creeps into my hair and encircles me around!
It teases my smile and brushes my cheek…
And eagerly whispers in my ears ‘coming!’
To this my eyes liven, tears dry…and lips curve to make a smile
The Wild West wind runs down all over, spreading ‘your coming’
Hearing this flowers beam…!
Leaves flutter…!
Grass sways…!
The water ripples down murmuring a sweet music…’at last you are coming’ they sing
At the behest of moon, the sky is decorated with stars…
At the behest of the water… the ripples play the music…
At the behest of the wind … the aroma spreads the flavor of love and joy…
The leaves and the flowers sway and dance in delight…
There is laughter, love and bliss…
we are all waiting....'when are you coming?’

The New year Takes off..!!!!

2009-01-02T08:42:00.001-08:00

The new year was ushered in at the break of dawn.The chirping birds..the cool winter breeze...the bright green leaves...the small dew drops...the first sobre sunrays and my sleepy heartful smile...gave the year a flamboyant welcome.
As I stretched my body, and came out of the bed, I swiftly said my prayers, and reaffirmed my resolution of the year, and 'thud!' jumped out.
Somewhere inside, i was not filled with complete energy. Courtesy - my mom was not in town, secondly my sweet little granny had just been out of danger, from an unexpected health problem. So that anxiety was still persisting somewhere. But i had decided to make it a lovely day.
After my sumptuous break fast, cooked by my dearest dad, i left for CSS - Centre for Social Service, where i teach a bunch of girls, every fortnight. I had promised that i shall come to see them.
They were delighted to see me..and i was wished 'happy new year' and my hand was shook by 45 hands..almost all at once :) I spent a few hours with them, and rushed to my cousins' place as i had promised to come along with her for a movie - ghajini - a remake of tamil to hindi. To be very honest, and unbiased, I preferred the original. The Hindi one was a little boring. First because, it was a repetition - second , surya the tamil hero - being my favourite, i cast my votefor him ;) - thirdly my cousin, as though she didn't know i was unable to enjoy the movie, like a back ground music, began her comparision with the Tollywood and Bollywood industry, where she was against the former, and that infuriated me.
Being a South Indian , i was furious on the unnecessary comparision about 'telugu and tamil heroes vs hindi hereos' 'telugu and tamil songs vs hindi songs' 'telugu and tamil direction vs hindi' etc etc etc. Some of it might have been true, but i was not ready to take it.
A couple of days back, i had received an invitation from my uncle for a concert on jan 1st at Ravindra Bharathi (Hyderabadis will be aware of this conventional hall).
The concert was 'ila paata', which means 'whistel song'. Yes you are imagining it right. The music expert, Mr. Siva Prasad, sang song through whistles. He whistled all the Indian raagas, with the Carnatic orchestra. I was suppose to go there in the evening, and I rushed there after the movie.
I was not very much welcoming the idea, of going, as i was dog tired. But to keep up the promise i rushed. I was already late, and i badged inside. I was expecting my school friend too, when i immediately found her, I hurriedly went and sat beside.
looking at me, she gave a splash smile - meaning a smile that dissappears faster than it appears. 'you are late' she whispered. It sounded more like a hiss. 'I am sorry, I was late' I whispered back. ' I know. I just said the same, if you remember.' she hissed back.
The concert was very soothing and so was the A/C. We listened in silence for sometime.
My friend was hungry and she urged me to go out and eat something. All through our small walk, i explained my friend the reasons for my delay, and patiently told her about my ''not very excited. but quite happy' mood. When we reached we ordered for juice. Being a small place to sit, we decided to just stroll around as we drank.
We both are very good friends actually. We don't meet many times, but when we do..we have an infinite list of things to talk about. Being a vociferous speaker, I was excitedly narrating things to her with animated expressions, when i was interrupted by a 'madam' addressal. When i turned back, there was a boy in blue pants and shirt, with a napkin drooping over his shoulder.
Yes, he was the server boy of the hotel. I for a second, thought, if we had ordered for something and he had got it. But we had not.
My friend, also perplexed, asked 'yes?' Now looking at me he asked " Are you a film actress?". I was taken aback. My first attention went to my dress. no i was not dressed gawdy. A little hesistant by the question i replied ' no i am not'. He continued "No madam, you look like one. i feel i have seen you in a movie ' This time it was a jolt for me!! "ha ha ha ha me?!!Good gracious!!" i thought inside. But outside I maintained a balanced expression and nodded my head as no. He too nodded his head, in a way you do when you are disappointed about something, and slowly left the place.
My friend was watching me from the corner of the eye, when our eyes met, we burst out into laughter.On our way back she said " kyaa yaaar..okka rojulo heroine huh??!" (what's this heroine in a one day). I was smiling and said to her " Whatever it is lady...i don't know if he was kidding me.But this incident made my day!!" Our discussions, titled on to many other things...and we reached the hall, listened to the concert for a while and left.
That night when i reached home, I got a call from my mom saying my sweet little granny was getting better. On my bed, before i bid adieu to the new year's first day, i thanked two people.
One was my mom, for giving me a good news about my granny.The second one was the server boy in blue pants, who mistook me to be a heroine. :) His prank, (if it is at all, because through his face it genuinely seemed that he mistook me for a heroine;))gave in some kind of confidence. It just made me happy.
And am sure, this new year for me, will be memorable one in a quite different way..!!!!

Turning and Turning in the Widening Gyre

2008-12-17T22:00:00.000-08:00

“Turning and Turning in the widening gyre the falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; The centre cannot hold;Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world

- Second Coming

These lines echo in my mind as I mutely gape at the things happening around me – The Mumbai blasts, the terrosists attacks, the shoot out at Hyderabad,Neighbour’s defence….
As yeats in his poem quotes “The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst are full of passionate intensity”
When the Mumbai blasts took place, there was fear, rage and sorrow in all the faces I passed by.
The countries spited each other for the mishaps. The governments blamed each other for the irresponsibilties. There were protests, marches, debates, processions running all over the country. The authorities resigned, The opposition celebrated , and the public continued to protest. The media had a continuous coverage of the ongoing events. There were marathon discussions in office, among friends, in the local bus, trains ..everywhere. The public was talking.

But that is all past. Now, except for a few glimpes in the news, and few articles here and there, there are not much of discussions, protests happening. The public seems to have forgotten.

One evening, just recently,I had been to visit my good old school teacher. A man in his seventies, I saw him reclined on his chair, in the verandah, scronfully reading the evening newspaper. As I approached , he smiled at me and said “ Did you see, what’s happening around?”
I sighed, smiled and relunctantly said “ That’s an ironical question. I feel nothing’s happening around. All seems to be over”

He nodded down, smiled, and urged me to continue.

“The war seems to have passified sir. The fury, the rage that I saw in the news, in the people, and every where is no more found!! “ my voice seemed to break.

I continued “Has the public so soon forgotten? What was the use of the hue and cry so far then? What happened to the war we all wanted to wage??”

He looked at me, but his gaze and thought were beyond.. he said “Wasn’t this expected? Things are happening as they should happen dear. All’s going as usual, don’t break your head over this”
I was perplexed “ Common sir, you are being sarcastic, aren’t you?”

As though being happy, to catch him red-handed he said “ you ask what’s the use of hue and cry? Actually nothing. The government, as planned has put a cut face for a few days. The traces of public’s memory of the incidents will soon fade. By then the elections will soon approach, and then the new government comes in,making the vociferous and unfulfilled promises. Everything is coming back to normal “

“Why are you being so cynical” I asked

“Because my dear, this is happening since the bygone past. Is it not? The 1993 Mumbai blasts, The godhra incident, the kargil war, the curfews in kashmir. Everything came and went by – but things are just the same.what difference, have we been able to make?” he demanded, with a charged voice.

“so now what then ?” I asked, confused.

“A war. As you said.A war must be waged. But not against the government. Not against the terrorists. Not against the religion nor the creed. But against the anarchy that is doomed upon us”

He continued “ My heart overwhelmed with happiness,when thousands of civilians marched in support of the military and vehemently condemning the government, after the taj incident. The unity brought in so much strength, no cast , no creed and no boundaries at all. “ He stopped.Tears filled his eyes, and I did not wanted to stop him “This unity dear,must last forever. The war must continue , against the anarchy. The protests have stopped. But the silent war must be raged by all of us”

“How sir?”

He sighed “ what is this thing called? Ah democracy!! What does it mean?”

“For the people,of the people and by the people” I replied

“ah yes!!! Everytime the war is raged on what did the xyz do for the people. But have we been asking what could be done by the people?”

“wage a war against the anarchy.wagea war by doing your duties well. This war should not end with the protests. To gain discipline and transperancy the public must work towards it. The government will not. The authorities will not. The public only should and could do it. Remember, democracy is by the people too”

The discussion continued for sometime.It was like a counselling for my troubled and restless thoughts. later bid adieu and was on my way back.

As I walked back home,I reconciled on my thoughts.
This war that had begun and ended , must be resumed. Not against anyone, but against us. Against the self. Questions should be shot at the intangible entity called conscience “ Am I being good bus driver? A good income tax officer? A good police officer? A good IAS officer? A good revenue offcier? A good taxi driver?A good business man? A good consumer? A good traffic police? Good student? Good teacher? We must ask it to ourselves. Answer it first. If you are content and guilt free, then blame any tom dick and harry.it’s accepted.

You might ask, how can a lay man bring a change?
I will tell you. The change must start from small things. Yes, from us.
If we really want to see the change, then we must be the change too.
Follow the traffic rules, pay the taxes correctly,throw the garbage in the dustbins only,pay the cable bill and current bill on time, don’t bribe to get the work done,seek the right to information, pay auto only by the meter charge..if we can list out things where we can correct ourselves we can.

This governemnt is ours. And it’s our responsilibity to correct it. If something is not right,we must stand up and have the courage to say it. Tell me ,if your house is on fire, do you blame your neighbour?
We compromise. Yes we do ! And when things go wrong, all of a sudden from no where our patriotism, the faults of others, the responsibilties all flush down..

It’s ok to bribe and get your liscene faster than 20 days..
It’s ok to convince the police with money and get off with traffic rules charge…
It’s ok to pay extra and get your work faster than others…
But it’s not ok..if government does not do it’s duties well..what justfication does this have?

I am not imagning an utopian world. Nor am I trying to be the saint. I am just reminding you and myself that ,change has to happen. And if it has to, then it must begin with us. As long as we are laid back, and think Mr. X, Mr. Y and Mr. Z will do it, then I assure you, they will not and things will remain the same.

If you really want to see the change,then bring it. Don’t wait for the second coming.
Be the change you want to see.

Fabuloso Viaje - A fantastic Journey

2008-10-17T04:40:00.001-07:00

It begins with filling my heart.
All over.The Melancholy.
It streams down into the grooves of my heart, from the unknown origin.
The dark night outside, supervenes my restlesness.
A Restlessness. From where has it crept?
The wind roars outside,terrifying my fragility
---- What's making my heart heavy?
Is it the desire to have every thing?.....the urge to change something?
what is it?
The melancholy seeps down moving swiftly into my heart and nerves..I am sitting motionless--- I can no more bear the pain..tears roll down..
down and down..
the droplets that fall on my palm, mirror me, my drooped feeling-- a feeling to have everything.--- a feeling to change something.
Everyday i wake up with a desire to change the world and an urge to enjoy the world.
Its hard to do both. I realise.

I want to change everything around me.
When things don't go my way..I want to change those things...
But.. I drop down..
The zeal in me,
The want in me, is slowing down.
why can't I move up and break?
something is stopping me..
Is it a doubt..if I can reach the utopian?

I sense, am no more the only charioteer of my chariot.
If I were, things would go my way.
I heavily shut my eyes and lock them.
I turn around and walk down.Down in to my heart.Searching for the source.
I walk, walk and walk.deep, deep and deep.There is darkness, everywhere,everywhere.
No trace,no clue.
After hours, I see a light , far far away.
I see it..and I run, and run. fast and swift.panting, panting I stop.
Am catching my breath.There is light here, everywhere, everywhere.
Its the same world I see outside.At the same time, it's different.
There is light, everywhere here.
Immense and Intense.I shun my eyes from the glow.

The pasture beneath my feet is green and fresh..The sky far above me, is clear and bright..
There is silence here..yet, through it I can hear the water ripples..
the chirping birds...
the swinging branches....
the blooming flowers....
the buzzing bees...
Am in the wonderland?
Then I see a girl.
She is playing!
She has a bright face, lightened up with immense joy.
The Alice in the wonderland?
Lucky.I think and sigh.

Then, I suddenly hear a voice.Deep and Bold.
It starts speaking..
It says " You know her"
Perplexed, I reply " I don't"
" You do".
Am surprised now ...."Who is she?"
"She is you"
"I?" There is bewilderment in my eyes.
"yes the I, with a difference"
"???"
"Its an I with hope"
"hope?"
"si. She is like you. An 'I' with dream, vision and strength. But she has one thing more. The hope. The hope, to change. The hope to bring change. The hope to see change"
"???"
The bold voice says " You are the charioteer of your chariot.If things are not going your way, it's because of you.The world you see now, here, is your dream. A dream you have dreamt. A dream you want to live. You can make this dream live, only if....."
" if?"
"if...u have HOPE. never lose it. then you can do it"
"Do what?"
"what u dream" there is silence now.
After a long pause I hear the voice again.
It says "Be the alice in the wonderland"

Then, all of a sudden it ends.The voice and the light.I am pulled back.By the force and the wind.I am flying, backward.crossing the roads and the grooves, i had come by.I pass everything, in haste and speed.
I suddenly open. yes, my shut eyes.I unlock them and come out. My tears are dried.The deluge died.Outside, the dawn breaks.The sky drapes in orange. Its beams , slowly creeping up.I can no more hear the roars of the wind.There is breeze. The pleasent breeze from the far off land, rushes down , to soothen my bossom,to soothen my unknown pain, to soothen my hope and brushes me with a kiss...as a smile down"

Its My birthday!!

2008-07-10T10:13:00.000-07:00

Hey...its my birthday today!! And it was a very very happy birthday..
Every year i just wait for this one day..coz this would be my day..and my day alone,and i would get all the attention I love!
Today was something very special...I am an employee now,and celebrated my whole day at office.
The previous night mom dad n bro had a yummy cake for me,and presented a cute little teddy!
All yesterday night i was busy with phone calls...and it was great to get that attention...
Today i got many gifts,by friends and collegues..and i bought myself a good book too from the exhibition that's put up @ our office.And the best part was,when i went in to buy a bag for myself...the shopkeeper, looking at my special dressing, asked if there was something special. To this i smiled and said that it was my birthday and began to stroll around to select a bag . Later, before giving me the bill he scribbled something on it and gave it to me ..as i eagerly took it to read, what he had written , i saw two lovliest words on it "happy birthday" . Don't you think, that made my day?! Yes it did actually :)
ha ha..on the whole had a lovely time..and i thank the one, sitting above, for giving me such a wonderful time and life every moment......:)

An ode to my doddappa...

2008-05-11T23:20:00.001-07:00

Lives and relationships are so important;and we realise it only in the absence of the loved ones.Though we are all aware of this fact,I acknowledged it only after my doddappa’s(my father’s elder bro) demise just day before yesterday.He was here with us on May 6th,to bless my mom and dad on their marriage anniversary,and after he reached bangalore safely on 8th may,on 10th may we heard this news.All of us were shattered and wrecked.It was a blow to all of us.The eldest brother among the 8 sibblings,he was known for humbleness,caring nature and sensitivity.Though he was our maxpa,his age equalled to that of grandfather.so we all shared a kind of grandpa relationship with him.
He was a widower,and has suffered the loneliness almost for 20 years.As long as he was alive he had a feeling that everybody didn’t care for him.He thought he was cornered and not recognized.And as a matter of fact,yes we did take him for granted-as all of us do with all our old people.His duties were over,and he actually didn’t have anything to do.Any advice that he gave us was for free,and all of us,including his sibblings and their children and their grandchildren thought themselves to be the intelligenstia.
I know am going too personal,but something deep within me is asking me to write .As long as my doddappa was alive,I never took the oppurtunity to tell him that I care for him ,love him and concerned about him.And today,I repent that I haven’t bid him a loving adieu.After his demise,hundreds of people turned up,to have a glance of him.His chilhood buddies,class mates,bank collegues,close relatives and distant cousins.All of them were crying ,yelling and shedding tears.But what is the use?He is not there to receive it.As long as he was alive,every day,he waited for phonecalls from his friends ,brothers’ children ,collegues.But none returned a call.All of them,were apparently busy.And today when he was lying on the death bed motionless,all of us realised how important he was for us,and how many lives he had changed.Unfortunately,the law of nature is we don’t realise a person’s presence until his absence.
And this made me cry all the more.My doddappa wanted to be recognised.He wanted to hear from others “seshu,we love you and thank u for what all you have done to us “ ; though people thought of him like that,they never opened up to say this.I feel ,this is not an exceptional case.It happens with every man,who is alive .Tell me ,how many of us talk to our grandparents and other elders for long hours with patience,and just let them know that we love them..we assume that they are acknowledging the fact.But this incident reminded me that,feeling love towards someone ,is not equal to telling them “I love you,or care for you”
So this day I decided,that I will cherish every moment that I am going to spend with my loved ones.I shall tell them that I love them and care for them.I will make them feel that they are important to me-my grand mom,my uncles,parents,cousins ,every one.
I don’t know ,if this is all related to you in anyway.But the reason am writing this is,I want all of you to read it.I think you too can reconcile and realise how lucky you are to have loving family,and friends around you.I thank God,that he had given me a great man,my doddappa called sheshagiri rao.Though I didn’t tell him how we all loved him,as long as he was alive,today..i open up and want to tell him.

My dearest doddappa,
I love you.we all love you and care for you.You were a great man.A man of resilience and patience.you changed so many lives,and had been their saviour.We shall,as long as we live will feel obliged to you.I could not say these words when you were here,but nevertheless I know somewhere deep within and far away you will be hearing my words.I love you doddappa,and I will miss you a lot.Thank you so much,for coming into our lives.thank you.

Your’s loving niece
Nandita.

One Day Batting

2008-03-22T20:45:00.001-07:00

You open the book.Read the first line.As you are moving to the second.You suddenly remember,you are thirsty.You get up ,go to the kitchen,search for the glass ,fill it and drink water. You come back,to the study room.Re-read the second line, as you move on to the third,you feel your face is very oily ,and its hot all over the room.You get up and switch on the fan. Come back ,sit and manage to read the whole page. Next,hunger pangs.you wonder why?you had your breakfast just now,how are you hungry again..probably too much of studying..you go out ask mom,if the lunch is ready.she frowns ,points out at the clock on the wall.Dissappointed you go back to study. Another 30 min you fidget with the stationary shop around you,and the printed pages before you.Your eyes start becoming heavy..something is happening.eyelids are closing down. You are not aware ,how much time had passed by,when you hear ,mom ‘s voice.you get up and stretch yourself.You cannot make out why she is scolding you,as you pay attention to her words,she is scolding you for sleeping.oh!! did I doze off? Yes you did. Next comes lunch,with music by mom in the background.”you have only one day for the exam,and how could you sleep?There is absolutely no seriousness.you are a grown up kid …..kjdkhfhjf..jdh..hfgfvvc!” You are determined in the post lunch period-“no ,I shall not sleep.i will finish 3 chapters,in 3 hours.take 10 min break and finish the rest.tomorrow I will revise,and day after tomorrow ,will write the exam without tension.Then I will be ahead of my friends..he he he” Unfortunately,the pre lunch schedule was imminent.You repeat,the same actions-drinking water,switching on the fan,fidgeting,having a stroll,remembering something suddenly,taking a break for 10 min which continues to another 60. Its evening,dinner time.you feel very tired,and go off to bed. While going to sleep you say to yourself “I still have tomorrow.i will utilise my time very well,and finish everything.I promise.” Next day,you get up early.5.30 AM.Go brush your teeth,and sit before the book.As you look into them,the letters are dancing and are becoming hazy.The next thing you see,when you open the eyes.Bright yellow sunrays,gushing through the window sills.Its 8 already! How could I doze off!! You curse yourself. The daily routine begins,bathing ,breakfast,quarrels with sibbling,glancing at the TV….adddf..hdyfgf…hyfdggc etc Now the time is 6.00 pm.Dad comes back from office,you’re watching TV.He friendlyly asks you “All prepared beta?” still looking at the screen,you answer “yes papa.I am”You manage to sit there for 2 min,slowly you get up and go to the room.Dad’s eyes follow you .You turn back, smile and say “ last revision ,dad” and you close the door. ”Panic panic panic!!” “how could I waste my time watching tv! God tomorrow is the exam! And I know nothing.And I tell them last revision.my foot!” You sit to study.No resolutions needed,no time limits.you go on studying.Time passes by,tension is increasing,you are going at a fast pace.But the speed is not sufficient.Mom calls for dinner.Food is no longer of any interest.You study…Its 11.00,then 1.00,then 3.00,then 5.00.Atlast,you managed to give it a reading.But there are few things to brush up.You can do it ,while going to college. All set.your lucky dress,your lucky pen.You pray to your favourite God.You are eating.You wouldn’t have minded if there was grass for breakfast.your attention is not on plate,but on the last minute notes.Get up,recheck your bag,hall ticket,pen,pencil,scale.yes all is set.Bid mama good bye…and give her a tight hug.Dad is dropping you.All the way to college,your attention is on the last minute note.you are mumbling something…trying to remember the points,recheck the notes.You reach college,bid dad good bye…before he wishes you all the best,you are already into the college gate.Desperate to meet friends.”would they be all prepared?Priyanka,the topper,she would have read everything.I know”you think. As you inter the class,you can feel the tension.All look like Albert Einsteins and Newtons.” Girls did you study?All prepared?”you ask your gang of friends. “ No yaaar….One day batting .you? they ask.Relieved by their answer,you reply with a sad smile” same here.Touched the book yesterday,in its true sense” Combined study continues for half an hour.Moments later,you are sitting on your respective tables.waiting anxiously for the exam paper.you have all together,planned for a team work.After a while,the question paper is before you.You quickly glance through each question ,as you read each of them,you mumble “ yes,I know this” “ ha..this is manageble” “hmmm easy one..can write” “little thinking needed,will answer it at the end”..on the whole ,the paper was not a shock.You look at your friend ,sitting back of you,she nods with a smile.you understand: paper is easy.in case of help,we will ask each other. After the exam ,you are all happy.Discussing the answers. Deep within a voice of yours thanks someone “ Thank you GOD…next time..no one day batting “ (But you subconsciuosly know,that one day batting is imminent )

Driving is an ART in India

2008-03-12T20:51:00.000-07:00

Driving in India is an art in India.To be precise,it is a gruelling art.While it takes a great experience to drive on the kuccha roads of our villages—it demands for an altogether different mind set and practice to drive in our metropolitans and big cities.
Shockingly,the more you practice this art ,the greater challenges you face.
This art reguires the driver to be,
· Attentive, to react to unexpected moves by the co-commuters
· Smart,to change,break and make rules when situations demand
· Patient,to tolerate the chaotic traffic with a blissful smile
This sounds like a drivers’ qualification check list.But ,believe me ,driving amidst the traffic demands not only for a thorough physical practice but a mental training too.
A regular driver needs to have a regular health check up ,just to see if his BP is under control.
You are bombarded with several emotions(anger,fear , impatience) all along your drive,that it becomes humanly impossible to have a composed day,if the mind doesn’t get trained to the impassable traffic.
Thankfully,this training happens by itself.Once you are in the war field,you learn to shield yourself.

After good years of rugged experience you might start seeing great changes within you:
You might calm down and play less heed to irritable sounds viz. unsoothning vehicle horns, loud arguments, obnoxious abuses and shrieking bus tyres.
You might begin to accept the traffic violaters,learning license drivers,confused and nervous drivers.
You might become indifferent to kuccha main roads,over flowing drainages and perennially ‘under repair’ roads

You learn the philosophy of driving “Expect the unexpected”—Day dreamers crossing the roads at their own leisure, unexpected break downs, sudden vehicle encounters from the opposite directions.

In that short span drive ,you get to know the varities of driving –The Bold Driving,The confused Driving,The careless Driving ,The Indifferent driving and lastly the Ladies Driving.
The most pitiable people amidst this violent drama,are the traffic police –The uncared,The unimportant and The Unseen.Basking under the scorching sun,the only benefit they get is the timely salary,and if they are lucky enough, they might have a bumper chance of “ fine” given by traffic violaters.

A Deliberate Mockery:

What is all this?
A deliberate mockery.
How long shall we tolerate and be a part of indifference and indiscipline.
The indifference and indiscipline among us.The public.

Marathon meetings,Excellent Budget plans,Incentive and warnings by the authorities of least help ,if the change doesn’t germinate within us.
There is no Government that is devoid of corruption and irresponsibilty.why then,are other countries progessing faster than us?
The reason : WE. The cause: OUR ATTITUDE

‘Let Go Away’ attitude must be curbed.sophistication must be cultivated.

Try not to exceed speet limits,
Try not crossing the red signal,
Try not overtaking others,
Foot paths are only for the foot pathers,enjoy the privilege….Just for one day!

This problem does not confine only to traffic,but extends to the whole of our country affairs.Be it Government,Corporates,Institutions.Everything.
We must realise that we are the means and bondage for a “change” to occur.
Believe me,as long as ‘A’ does not change,’B’ wouldn’t and ‘C’ will never.

Let us bring a meaning to the word ‘democracy’—By the people,For the people and To the people.
The mantra for today’s success is :BE THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE

The philosophy of problems

2008-02-10T02:12:00.000-08:00

This is not a discourse on “steps to success”. Nor, is this write up intended to be one of the bombarding personality development sessions. It is merely an expression of my troubled thoughts and ambiguous living that seemed to end in an unexpected manner.
I feel God has given me the largest number of choices to be angry about. If am to list out “Things that make me angry “am bound to be a contest winner.
Every thing in this world seems to be a problem to me. Right from the alarm that rings in the morning to the noisy crickets at night, all are problematic!
As my daily chores begin, I realize my impatience brimming out of me----My books are never in place. Nothing of my favorites is for break fast; my vehicle never starts before making noise and drawing the frowns of my neighbors. In class, teacher glares at me, for opening my mouth. Curd rice for lunch supervenes my furious mood…this way; my day never seems to end. Tons of homework, exams, gossips, friends…At the end, my day seems to be busy and tiring but never full. These, so called trivialities seemed to undermine my potential until one day dawned….
That day everything seemed to have changed…
My books were on the table…just that I had to put them in my bag
My vehicle did not start-I thanked God… I would, save petrol by bus…
My Teacher glared at me, this time I had a companion-my friend. I was happy I shall not be alone if I was thrown out.
Brinjal -the distasteful curry for lunch-just then my friend yelled “wow! Brinjal! ”-that day sandwich was my treat
This way, things suddenly seemed to fall in place. The sun was no brighter, but the day was. I seemed to get out of my doldrums…
How could it? … Somewhere deep inside I had an answer...

What had happened?

It was 31 December --the night before this beautiful day had dawned, my friend and I were having an evening stroll.Too bored to celebrate the pompous New Year, we decided to give the year a short adieu.
It is necessary that the reader must be introduced to my friend first.She is a small ,dark girl.Her father’s is a clerical job.She is studying in a regional governement college.She is not a very bright student,but has a flare for painting and colours.She loves food,dance,friends ,movies gossips..Wait. I think she almost loves everything she does.
Coming back to where we started.we were taking a stroll, when we came across two urchins who were playing the good old “train, train “game, holding each other’s sleeve and running in a circle.
Looking at them I sympathetically commented” I wish I could give them all my toys to play.They would have been so happy” My friend cut me off saying “ I bet you cannot make them more happy” she paused,looked at me and continued “what makes you think they are not happy?” .I shrugged and kept quiet, though a little disturbed. As we moved along, we came across our house maid’s hut.In dim lit light,she was cooking food and chatting with her nighbour.When we passed by,she shyly smiled at us,smiling back at her I said to my friend” Poor soul! How hard she works, working at houses, cooking food for children, no hygenic food” as I was about to go on, my friend took the lead “she hardly needs your sympathy dear!I think she is enjoying what she is doing.well,I suppose that is why she is living” she answered sarcastically.

This time evidently embarrassed, I defiantly asked her”what’s your problem?”
To this, my friend loudly chuckled and asked back” I should ask you that-what is your problem?”
Inadvertently came my reply “you are mocking me! Everything I say seems to be a problem to you”
Mockingly she said” He! He! Is it you who is saying this? You seem to have a problem about everything in life-right from your alarm clock to the stuff you are made off!”

I was appalled.I never expected the serious tone from her.She didn’t stop and continued” You have a problem with everything Neha.Your books are a problem to you,your bike is a problem,your lunch is a problem.The whole world is a problem to you.Infact,this word problem is a big problem to you!”

“Why, is problem not a problem to you” I questioned fighting back my tears.

“No” she replied calmly.”Problem has never been one to me.To put it this way, I never look at problems, I deal with them”

Uh!! It was a jolt to me! I needed an explanation.she guessed it and continued…” Neha, if we were to think problems as problems,we could have not managed to have lived this long.If you are one person having one problem,there are millions out there fighting with millions of problems.Believe me,you are not alone.” The ball was still in her court, she continued, “Have you ever heard of the word TAKE IT EASY?” It was a mockery again.I shrugged looking down and continued walking.

“Take life easily Neha.Anything that comes to you is short lived.You really don’t have to somersault,take it ,crush it,and grumble about it.There are a few things in this life ,which you should just let go”

My ego was still burning.I simply listened to her.

”Look at me.I am short, and dark.I go to a government college,I slog,I sleep late.I take care of my grand mother.I wanted a bike since 12th class,so far I have not bought it.I have no new dress,for the festival.If I and you were to compete auctioning our problems.I bet,I will win!”

It was a jerk!! I stared at her.she didn’t have to be so hard on herself! I tried to put the same in words, but she stopped me and continued” But I do not look at things that way! I am happy that I have loving family.I am happy that I am educated, though not a rank student.And am proud that I paint well, which makes me happy again.Don’t you see, it’s so easy to look the other way round?”

I smiled back at her, and she returned it back with a much brighter one!When we reached my home,we stood at the door steps.There was a minute’s silence.As though ,coming out of some far world ,my friend said “ Well,Time to go!good night”
Smiling I said “Hey! I think I will give the loudest bonvoyage to this old year-with loads of problems, worries and complaints”
She took a minute to understand, then chucked aloud and said” he…he…Right! Go ahead! Good night”
We bid, hugged and parted for the night.
As I was getting inside the house, my thoughts ran “I have been with her for 15 years now, why did she tell this to me today? Why did I talk about my maid today? About the children? May be it is called providence.. the just time to change”

Anyway the bottom line is: My new year,I was sure,was going to rock!”

Bachelors of Arts

2008-02-10T02:09:00.001-08:00

I always face queer reactions and responses when I answer- “I have done my honors in BA”---
“Why BA? Why didn’t you take up science or commerce?”
“Oh I suppose you got less in intermediate!”
“Hmmm depends on intelligence...”Or they simply shriek” what? BA?”
Apart from creating anger and embarrassment, these reactions lead me to persistent questions like “what is wrong in doing a BA?” “Is Arts not a subject of study?”
I decided to probe for answers.
Asking a few friends and acquaintances I have come to understand that many misconceptions have been reared about arts since these past few decades—
“That art are very easy… That only less intelligentsia take up the course…and that they are irrelevant to the present”

It is piquing to accept these misconceptions (as art students) when we know it is so untrue.
The difference in the degree of prominence between arts and other disciplines is due to the change of emphasis in our thoughts, needs and social demands. While science and commerce disciplines cater more to livelihood, the Arts discipline is richer by a degree as it caters to life itself. Today Science and commerce rein the world and Arts has become ancillary. Amidst these gigantic disciplines, students competing against each other to grab engineering and medical seats, it’s natural to awe at a student who decides to pursue arts as a career.

“Why in the world has a student taken up Arts besides these competitive subjects?” is an imminent question!! In this write up, I endeavor to answer this question” why Arts?”

Arts are taken up for the sake of it. Picasso said” Art is a lie that makes us realize the truth”
Arts are the unique disciplines of knowledge that teach us life. They are called humanities as they deal with the basics of human nature and life. They deal with those subjects that can be implemented in all walks of life.
Literature, Economics, sociology, History, Psychology etc, they may not assure us an affluent life but they ensure our success as a full fledged human being. Each subject is a revelation of reality.
In literature, we are introduced to vast knowledge of life and its nature. Through the poems, novels and dramas we learn lessons through others experiences and expressions.
We read life and not just books!!
When we read Tennyson’s Ulysses we learn the importance of life, Tagore’s “where the mind is without fear” we learn to dream for a utopian world, Kalidasa’s ‘Abhignana shakuntala’ we learn the beauty of love and affection.

History introduces us to our rich tradition and culture. We learn the greatness of man through the large civilizations, the empires he built the conquers he made. We learn that to live we should strive. We learn the past and its impact on present. We understand the differences that caused change. We read History simply because History repeats.

While Psychology is the scientific study of Human behavior, sociology is the study of man as a social being. Economics, the pivot on which the whole world is balanced and Journalism equips us for effective communication.

Every subject is an art in itself. We must learn to enjoy life and art enables us to do so. It teaches us to look at life in a different perspective. Only a selected few who have the inclination for aesthetics can pursue Arts. Arts require patience and practice. I have taken up Arts by choice and not by chance---Just for the love of it!
It’s not important as to which stream you choose. All that matters is how you perform. Our excellence depends on our ability and not on the course we select.
If I echo the sentiments of Robert Frost and say” I chose the road not taken and that has made all the difference”

My short term job

2008-02-10T01:54:00.000-08:00

“Ooo…la” I shrieked as I clicked down the phone after answering my uncle’s call. “At last my boring mornings and lengthy afternoons are going to come to an end” I thought. My uncle had at last had searched a job for me. Sitting idle for 6 months with an MBA degree in hand was unimaginable. Though I was shifting to New York along with fiancée, it would be impossible to spend my days dreaming about my rosy future for the next 6 months. I had to do something. But which company would give a job for six months. So the search had become a little difficult. Nevertheless my uncle made it. He had kept the ‘job opening’ as a surprise and said would tell me in person. So on Sunday we invited him for lunch.
“So uncle, what job have you searched for me?” I asked eagerly, as we sat at the lunch table.” You will be very happy to know, and excited to work” he said” It’s a teacher’s job” .Resting his gaze on me he continued “at an orphanage” My mother’s was the first reaction” what will she do their Ramu” she chuckled. “Sangha sevaki preethi!” My brother said and gave a short laugh .My father frowned at him and there was silence.
It took me sometime to come out of the jerk. All my enthusiasm drained out I asked” Ramu mama, is this job suitable for an MBA graduate?”
From the day my search for my short term job had begun, I had chalked out the most suitable and convenient jobs for me. I had dreamt to sit in a call centre and talk in a foreign accent-I thought it would make my life easier in New York.
Had hoped, I shall become a short term Research Assistant, and help my boss come out with a thesis. A consultant job would not be bad, I thought. At least a personal secretary job in a leading firm would do.
I know I was demanding too much. But tell me, do dreams have an end and greed a limit? My retrospection ended and I came back to the present .All were looking at my uncle .He had begun to speak” what do you think? It’s a right job for any and every human being” he emphasized. I opened my mouth to defend, but he disapproved it with a wave of hand and continued” Before you’re an MBA graduate, you are a human being. And helping a person to mould into a better human being is the greatest job you can ever do “At this point my father looked at me, as though he was reading my mind. As an approval to his guess I said” But mama, what will I teach them? Marketing? Finance? Stats?” I laughed within myself.
“That’s up to you” my uncle began. “You teach them anything. The authorities of the orphanage had requested me to find a volunteer who can spend time at their school and groom their children. I thought you would be interested. If you’re not, then forget it. We will search for another job, where you will know what to do” This time his voice was grim. Silence enveloped the scene and all were waiting for my answer. Not to dishearten my uncle and break my father’s IDEALISTIC DAUGHTER image, I resolved to take it as an experience albeit resenting this queer venture.

The first day of my job dawned. All through the way to the orphanage with my uncle, I was enveloped in thoughts and doubts…”what shall I talk to them? What can I teach them? Would they know English? How do I react?
My introspection halted as we reached the destination. We were greeted by madam shyamala. After a little tête-à-tête, I was briefed about the children at orphanage. There, we were told, children ranged across various ages. From 5 to 15.They were either abandoned by their relatives or were born orphans. So dramatic was her narration, that I actually imagined all the children sitting in a room and brooding over their lives.
Quite contrary to my imagination, as I entered the hall, the gossiping and murmuring stopped .All the children got up and greeted me in one tone” Good morning teacher” Madame shyamala who was standing beside me whispered “They were expecting you” I nodded back and gestured the children to sit. When she left, I still had no clue as to what to speak. The children as madam shyamala had noted ranged from kids to teenagers-Tanned skins, oiled hair, cleanly washed faded clothes-these were my first observations. As I was still contemplating on what to speak, a girl from the group asked “didi, what is your name?” Surprised and quite pleased by her uninhibited gesture, I replied “preethi” and asked back “what yours?” “Kamala” came the reply. When I smiled and nodded to her, a boy from the group shot “won’t you ask my name?” This time truly surprised by his demand, I giggled and asked his name. ”Raja” he said proudly. At this point an unexpected commotion began in the group- voices shouting “didi I will tell my name” “ mine too” “pinky” “hey you stop, I will tell first”” No me”
Unexpecting this, my reflexes took the lead.” Hey stop! Stop! Well if you don’t I shall not give you chocolates tomorrow” I didn’t expect to say this. I gave a gap, and the unrest rested. I continued” yes, I am planning to get you all 100 chocolates! If you keep quite I will get them. Do you like them?” “Yes!” they shouted. Smiling, I thought my first class has thus begun.
The next hours of the class were spent in introductions, warnings, giggles...
When I went back home in the evening questions were ready to attack me. ”How was it?” “Were they naughty?” “What did you teach them?” To all I gave one answer” It was good. I enjoyed it”
As I was retiring to bed, thoughts ran across my mind. I had meant the word “enjoy” more than it signified. What was it? That word...satis...Groping for the word, I stepped into sleep.

My consequent classes seemed to get on fast and short. I had begun to feel at home here. My day started with a heart full good morning from the children. Most of my time at home was spent in making color charts, dolls, recollecting grandma stories and taking suggestions from my mom.
I no more had to think on what to teach them. They implicitly told me what they had to learn-Their behavior was to be disciplined, their minds had to be directed, their language had to be modified, their hygiene had to be rechecked. On the whole they had to be ‘tailored’.

I began to learn their names by heart. I began to understand what made them happy and what made them cry.
Surprisingly they were never a bore to me. Their uninhibited behaviors, untainted expressions, intimate demands pulled me nearer to them. I began seeing a new identity in me. The one which I never knew had existed.
I used to talk to them hours together. Tell them about the stars in the sky, the fishes in the water, the demons and the Gods.
While the teenagers shared with me their untold desires, the kiddos talked about their untold ideas. I listened to both of them and was discrete enough to react to both.
This new identity that I began to own, was different from the others which I had already owned-daughter, sister, friend, partner. This one was called ‘preethi’. I never had to pretend in front of them. No norms or rules. Just being myself -preethi
My classes were no one way teaching. It was a two way. While I taught them what to do for their living. They taught me how to live.
There was inextinguishable energy in them. Their power to smile under all situations made them superior to me. They had no regrets. They did things because they wanted to.
To them taste didn’t matter, but food did. Clothes didn’t matter but clothing did. Beauty didn’t matter but affection did. With I had learnt t live a life that I had never lived.

When the time had come to leave, I wished I had never come here. For I never knew parting from loved ones would mean so much pain. Through the tears of each child I could see the reflection of my own sorrow. ”Didi when will you come back?” one asked. Before I could answer “you will come back na? Why are you crying then?” Said other. I had no answer for either of them. The only reply I managed to give them was a hug.
As I drove back home, my thoughts were running fast “Job. That is what I had wanted. A job that was suitable for an MBA graduate. I taught them nothing I had learnt. Rather I had learnt what I had unlearned”